A New School Year A New Placement.

I am now in my second year our of a three year course, I am back in practice, new assignment and new skills to be learnt. Once again i am out in the community going to patients houses, not with the district nurses but with the Palliative Care Team. A team of specialist nurses to provide support and advice for those who will never get better.

Not only is it cancer patients but dementia, Motor Neuron Disease (MND) and many more which i haven't come across on my travels. Being a 24 year old dealing with death and dying everyday has been hard, but not as hard as some of the family members are coping without any help wanting to create the best death possible for their loved one. Best death? that may be something you may think is crazy but really its not. What it means it making sure that they dying person has no pain, is comfortable and is where they want to be, whether its at home in a hospice or even in the hospital.

When i started with this placement i wasn't sure how i would get on, but they skills i have learnt are priceless, and being able to reflect with my mentor after every visit has meant that i can ask those awkward questions that you wouldn't want to say in front of a patient, by awkward questions i mean the anatomy questions about how the cancer is growing and spreading, something most people don't wish to discuss, some are still in denial and think that it'll pass and they will recover. Personally i have found these patients the most upsetting, because by not accepting an dealing with what is happening they are robbing themselves of the time that they have left.

From all the patients that i have seen so far they have all given me the same advice, firstly, do what you want, don't wait till you're older. This was regarding things like travelling and seeing the world, "do it while you're young and can enjoy it". And secondly, don't get old, which is something i think we all wish that we could stop. But both of these words of wisdom are valid. Why put off tomorrow when you could do today?

Mediterranean sweet potato

This is my favourite quick vegan glut on free dinner, and if you want meat just marinade chicken in the same spices as the chick peas


rather than type it (and risk people thinking it my own when its not) i have got the direct link, have a look at their other recipes i think they are amazing, As a meat eater i love how their food is so simple and delicious and definitely don't need any meat. (but if like me you burn the chick peas it makes a nice alternative)

A whole lot of worry

This morning could not of gone any worse, from the moment I woke up it all started, not what I needed on such an important day, because having to wait another year to get into uni is not part of my plan. My day started out waking up from a crazy dream that made no sense about my grandma, where i was at her house in the middle of the afternoon asking her abiut a patchwork quilt. I think it was because I went to visit her a few days ago.

I ended up getting up late as i was trying tot work out what it meant, our whether it was just one of those weird dreams to eating to much brie the day before. I had even planned my outfit in advance, this organisation which later turned out to be wasted as when i out it on this morning it made me feel frumpy, and uncomfortable. I didn't have time to sort something else out that would be suitable, because interview chic isn't something that is a running theme through my wardrobe, patterns shirts, jumpsuits and grandad jumpers maybe, but not smart. Just to note that its not all crazy clothes I do have normal things as well, but these are just items that stick out when you open my wardrobe doors.

While doing my makeup i ended up spilling foundation down myself, how I don't know but luckily it came out alright after panicing and of course running around trying to find some make up remover. For me makeup isn't a big part of my life so even doing the simplest of tasks become a problem, how much should I put on, will it look ok, do I put on lippy or just leave it as simple as possible? I came to the conclusion that less is more, and that way I won't feel silly because I won't look like I'm trying to hard.

My Mumma had to take me to my interview because the car is still not back from the shop, so i was unable to drive up prior to the interview and scope out the best places to park for future references, which meant that i had to wait for her to pick me up as getting 2 trains back to southend wasn't an option i wanted to take today. There was a ton of traffic on the A127 so we were steadily moving towards Chelmsford at what seemed a snails pace, as i was looking out the windows the drivers all looked unhappy, i guess wednesday is an unhappy day for most people. I know that its not one of my favourite days, but thats because it always seems to drag. Now while in the car my mumma's travel mug leaked all down my front, it went everywhere, i shreaked in horror thinking 'could this morning get any worse' thankfully it went on my scarf (a close call as it was too late to turn back and change).

However once I had arrived all that worry seemed to disappear, only for the nerves to kick in. The worry about what I looked like or whether I had everything I needed changed to nerves, nerves of whether I would make a good impression, nerves on whether I say the right thing. Just general nerves that the 2 people in the next room will make a decision on whether i get on to the course based on a 5 minute chat. But I kept my cool for the group interview and listened to what the other interviewees had to say, speaking up where i knew there was room to debate. Overall as a group we did really well.

For my individual interview I smashed it, i said all the right things and got all the points across that I needed about what I have been doing in the past 2 years since last applying to uni, I think they were impressed with what I have been doing. I told them all the things that i have learned from working in a care home, how i was moved to the neurological brain rehabilitation unit and all the knowledge that i picked up along the way. I told them what I wanted to do with my future, it felt good, to say what I wanted to do with my life and for it too seem like a realistic goal that I can achieve in the next 5 years.

A whole lot of worry and sleepless nights over nothing, lets hope it wasn't another wasted interview. Now to wait till may to find out whether the future I want will start this year.


So on thursday i was having some lunch, sulking mainly because my mumma had to use my car so i couldn't go for a swim that I had planned. This was annoying as with limited training time between working days not being able to train when i want means another skipped session. Now whilst eating the post came, my house mate came through and gave me a letter. Not just a letter, but the letter, the letter i didn't think i would receive until May.

So you would think that by now after a terrible year of everything going wrong, that I would be super nervous, but I wasn't. Not as nervous as I should be. So I examined the letter, thinking it was really light, which normally isn't a good sign. I went to open it carefully not to rip the content, and skimmed what was written. It took me a couple of attempts to actually take in what was written. But in a a nutshell I got a place at uni!

A Year Later..

I cannot believe that its been a year since my heart surgery (ASD closure), and what a year its been. As straightforward as it all seems emotionally its been a mess, with anxiety attacks causing a hospital admission to days of palpation's. I can finally say that i am better, not only better but back exercising! Granted its going slowly but i am getting my fitness back. Of course the weather hasn't helped, lets face it who wants to go out for a run or a bike ride after a year of nothing in the freezing British winter?  I know i don't.

I have got myself back in the gym, starting with the weights, getting into a better shape, and a booty to match. I have started doing Spin class and wow was that not what i was expecting. Well of course i knew it was going to be tough, but not as tough as it was, but that could be down to lack of fitness. After buying a sports watch with a heart monitor i feel more comfortable to push myself, as i know when it starts to hurt i can see how hard i am pushing myself. But so far no pain!

They say no pain no gain but for me this is completely wrong, if the pain comes back then i am in trouble. When i first started back at the gym i had a different pain, but it would call is more of a discomfort, and i'm sure if you have ever done weights you'll know what i mean, especially on leg day! Holy Mackerel i had forgotten what doing squats does to your legs. I couldn't sit down i couldn't stand up every way was hurting, walking like i had poo'd my pants, not a good look, but i kept going and the results are finally starting to pay off.

If its one thing i can pass on to a friend or anyone who wants to know, Its keep going, everything good is worth working for, nothing easy happens over night.