I have nearly finished my first year as a nursing student, its been an unsteady road surrounded by negativity. I have worked my butt off to study and progress academically as much as possible. Being in full time education, having placement and working whenever possible has been a struggle. However my education came first, no matter how little food i had in the fridge or little money i had in the bank, this degree comes first. So getting poor results on a assignment i spent two months writing is disheartening, seeking advice from different lecturers and librarians so that i can improve seemed like a waste of time.

Count down.

So it's only 3 days till surgery, from tomorrow I have to start washing in anti bacterial body wash and cream, something I am not looking forward to, because let's face it who wants to smell like a hospital ward? Or even feel like a sick person, I am hoping that the nurses are nice and the ward is clean. I have nearly packed my bag, which consists of socks, trashy magazines and all my hospital letters, what else can you pack in advance? I am trying not to think about the fact that it might not work or something might go wrong and I'll still have to end up having open heart surgery. 

Being able to talk to the Chaplin is a huge weight off my mind, and my boyfriend and family don't understand my woes when it comes to spirituality and the soul and my worries. So to make up for alll of this, this evening I have spent being girls and relaxing, not only have I had the luxury of a aloe Vera mud face mask but a few glasses of wine and the finale of sex and the city, I am not sure it can be any more girly than that. 
The closer it gets to surgery day the more anxious i get. The more i find it difficult to sleep. The more i worry.
Lots of What if? goes through my mind.

A christmas in Essex.

This Christmas is Essex we didn't have snow, we had gale force winds and rain. Lots of rain. There were sirens blasting at every junction and people laughing as they stumbled out of the pubs. As far as i can remember it has always been a tradition to go to the pub Christmas eve and have drinks with friends you haven't seen all year. Now this year that was my plan, except i had to take a detour to the police station. Why? Because some chav tried to rob me, now i say try because not only did he fail but he now has the police looking for him, and if/ when they find him i shall punch him in the face. This is something that i have already discussed with the police and they said that i could do it. Hurrah!

But any way this chav tried to mug me at the cash point, he wanted £300 (which of course i don't have being a student) but offered him the £50 i had just taken out. But the Muppet didn't want it. Poor fool should of taken it, as soon as i saw someone i shouted fire. Fire? Yes fire, its been proven that if you are being attacked mugged or what not if you shout help or rape people don't or won't respond in fear they would then be involved in someone else's domestic.

Long story short, i had to go on a police ride around and make a statement, although they couldn't offer me a cocktail (which i originally asked for) the police made a very nice cup of tea, they even said they would drop  me off at the pub, but unfortunately i had to go home, not to let my parents know that i was ok but to eat some dinner before going out drinking. When i got to the pub everyone had a good laugh out my fire shouting, but it meant that i didn't have to pay for a drink all night. A very exciting evening, i was glad to crawl into bed at midnight!

Christmas day was the usual up early open up parcels and have champagne and cocktails,before getting washed and waiting for dinner. We had a fair few of us this year and we all had lots of nice things. The same thing happened boxing day more gifts and more food and even more cocktails. As a family we were laying cards against humanity (including parents) which was so funny, but then you need to have a certain type of humor to really enjoy it to the fullest. It was a good end to a good couple of days eating and drinking with the family.